Stillness has been speaking to me lately. Whispering and nudging me towards more internal guidance of my soul and Higher Self, the part of me that connects to the Divine All or as many call God. The whispers are gentle and loving. I ask for gentle steps. I want to be lead more internally. I want to connect to my Divine Mother and Divine Father. So I surrender. I surrender, how I think things should go or how I want them to go so I can be guided to the Higher Vision. Since I can’t see the bigger picture, I surrender to the Divine flow. Much is hidden from view. Of course it is a good thing that I can’t see too far. I might not want to walk through some things I need to learn. There is a reason for everything that is happening in each moment.
On the surface, I may not understand nor trust these steps but down deep within the stillness I know it is all meant to be. I also know it will be less harsh if I listen to the Stillness. Sometimes I resist being still. My fear rises up. What will I find within myself that I didn’t realize? Am I ready? I step lightly. Fear lies to us. It may trip us up if we don’t move through the energy. It can pull us out of the NOW and thrust us into future tripping. Regret can trip us up too, causing us to rush back to the past memories. But fear doesn’t like stillness. For stillness doesn’t lie. Fear is a lie. It can only exist when we are living out of the NOW. Funny how the mind cannot grasp this.
Deep down in my stillness, I know the past and future all exist in the NOW. For this very moment was created from my past decisions and this right now moment is creating my future possibilities. So NOW contains it all. NOW is magical and mystical. We cannot control it or grasp it. We can only experience it. Separation is the illusion. Since the mind can’t grasp this, it tries to fall asleep, into old familiar repeatable patterns.
If I don’t walk through my fear it gains more strength and I tumble into the state of nothingness. Like a zombie that is walking dead. But I can’t stay asleep forever. Other parts of me remember. So I return to my breathing, I allow my breathing to whisper to me. It whispers that I am still here. Each breath in and out allows me to return to the NOW. My breathing slows, everything slows. My mind and body slow down, back into the present.
In the present, I feel a doorway opening. I am ready. I am ready for another way of seeing, experiencing and feeling life. I pay attention as I breathe in this moment. I let go, surrendering it all. Nothing feels freer. Thoughts flow on by but they do not disturb me. I just let them flow. I want to live in this moment. But holding on is not living. Just like breathing life is about about letting go. In and out….in and out. We don’t control our breath. We let it flow. I am learning to watch my breathing as it relaxes me… in and out, in and out. Learning to let go.
Stillness is my greatest teacher. It reminds me that everything I truly need is inside. In this moment I am truly grateful. Gratitude flows out. It flows through my heart and out my tears. I remember, I am one with the dreamer and the dream. I am part of it all. I am not the ALL but I exists in it. I am ready to walk through this new doorway so that I can experience surrendering even more. I step lightly. Small baby steps.
I know I will fall back asleep again and again. But I also know I will remember to wake up again and again. So here I go, one gentle step. All I am asking for and all I want to give is gentleness. Gentle and loving steps.
Check out the girl climbing the steps.
I want to move into creating animation but it will take a long learning curve. Until then I am learning to tweak a few things using photoshop, iMovie and Keynote.